The Edict for Australian Language

The Edict for Australian Language
knocked us about at first

Tourists had the worst of it,
not being able to get around
on the sidewalk any more
until they found the footpath.
That’s if they could get out of the hotel
since the elevators disappeared
and were replaced by lifts.

And the young kids, it was rough
especially for the blokes,
giving up their booty,
but they’ve learned to know a top sheila
when they see one now.

My sister Sal lost her best pal,
but found a real beaut mate.

Civil authorities were well pleased
as the streets were cleared
of bums and tramps
that is, until they saw the derros
dossing down in Bourke St:
more front than Myer’s.

But unemployment was reduced
except for all the dole bludgers,
drunkenness declined,
though we all get pissed sometimes,
and public health improved
as no one was ill: now all they need
is to get those crook buggers
out of hossie.

The ABC finally stopped bothering the government;
still, we have Aunty to rip it up the bastards
although the banning of all profanity
has made it fuckin’ hard to conduct political discussion.

Out in the countryside
all the streams ran dry
but the bush had a top year
because the creeks were full.

We miss the burgers and fries
but we’re enjoying sauce and pies.

And me, I was all right
though things looked ugly
when I needed to use the bathroom;
just in time someone offered me their dunny.

The Edict for Australian Language:
we’re getting used to it now, mate.
Rewards were offered to turn in offenders
but no one wants to be a dobber.
I miss the twang of Yank sometimes
and long for curry laksa
but overall it’s been OK
or should I say, quite bonza?

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